2014 and the Things I am Grateful For

What a year this year: three hundred sixty five days of happiness, of confusion, of excitement, of heartbreak, of dreams, of sadness, of life; twelve months of unforgettable and forgettable experiences and four quarters of accepting my life as an adult.

2014.

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It wasn’t easy and like other years, it was a bittersweet one. I was at my lowest point this year and this is not me being overly emotional again, but I really was. If I am to describe how overly happy I am that 2014 will be over in a matter of hours, my happiness meter would probably exceed even the maximum. It may be cliche but yes, I cannot wait to leave everything behind and start on a new page. I know I say this again and again, year after year, because year after year it just gets so crappy but whatever. It’s easier to start anew when there’s the thought of the new year because it’s okay to actually keep your hopes up that everything and everyone will be different. Syempre, asa tayo kahit kaunti. Baka sakali lang naman kasi. 

Kidding aside. Although there’s an accompanying ache to everything that happened in 2014, there are still so much that I am thankful for. The mere fact that I’m carrying on with this overly chaotic life is something to be thankful for. Messed up as I may be, I’m still here. And I’ll still be here to tell you that although this year has been a drag, here are some of the things out of the many (?) that I am thankful for this year:

A new career.
I made a big leap this year and it was a leap I was both excited and afraid to take. But no one knows success unless you take risks right? And so I did.

I’m not gonna lie and sugar coat anything about how happy I am that I’m finally in a different place because it hasn’t been a lie either that the first few months leading up to the second half of the year was my lowest point, career-wise. You just feel it you know? How you’re not where you’re supposed to be and that you’ve become so messed up you question yourself why you stay and settle in the first place. It was a crisis.

I’ve read tons of self-help articles telling people that “if you feel miserable in your job, quit…you’ll spend most of your life working so you shouldn’t be miserable doing so..” and at this point I can tell that I’m glad I followed. Siguro sa pag-ibig mali, pero dito, tama yung puso at isip ko. Buti sinunod ko.

What I can say right now, and nothing more after this, is that I may be a confused girl most of the time but no one is allowed to make me feel inferior without my consent. 😉

Travel.
This isn’t new because I’ve always been thankful for the golden opportunities to travel – getaways… near or far, wherever! I admit though that I wasn’t able to explore so much places this year because you know, life crisis, but I still crossed out a few places off my bucket list this year.

Six provinces in three days. Baguio for one whole week. Culion island for the first time. Tuguegarao to Sta. Ana and back in a matter of hours. A week of yummy bacon in Bohol. Fastest zipline in the Philippines.

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Just like in recent years, my bank account lost weight but like they always say, “travel is the only thing you buy that makes you richer”. Travel has been so important to me the past few years because it’s my form of escape from everything. Given the means to do so, I’d pack up my bags and just go on an adventure anywhere. But I can’t do that just yet. At least, please give me someone I can go with?

Family and friends.
Well, this is a given. Family and friends are ALWAYS everything in this super messy life! They’re just going to be there to support you no matter what. My family and friends were there when I was going through my life crisis this year and without them, I wouldn’t have survived.

Although I may not say it all the time because I am stubborn and bratty most of the time, but I am thankful for all of you.

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Courage. Letting Go. Realizations.
Because life crisis.

Yes. This year I let go, not because I JUST had to but because I’ve accepted that I needed to, of important aspects of my life — a career in government, a self-esteem lower than the depths of the earth (pero medyo OA to), unrequited love and (insert many more).

It was hard at first but eventually, it became part of the best decisions I’ve made. I laugh at them now and think about how stupid I was but good job self, you’re not so stupid after all. You’ve realized that you are WAY better than your stupid decisions and that you deserve something/someone better. You are a beautiful soul and although it may take a whole lot of effort for people to really understand you, you are beautiful and you are amazing.

You may be wrong sometimes and almost most of the time, but you are you.

Love.
It hasn’t come to me yet, but I’ve felt it.. once, twice, thrice.. in deep conversations, in dog walks, in hugs and laughter, in simple his and hellos. I’ve felt it through family and friends. I’ve felt it in your voice and your smile. I’ve felt and I’ve felt until that is the only thing I could possibly  do — to feel. Thank you. For once, there was nothing in the world I wanted most but to just feel how great it is to be loved. But maybe it got suffocating right? Thank you still.

Over the past couple of months and throughout the simbang gabi, I prayed and I prayed for healing and acceptance. It wasn’t easy going through this year dahil sumama ka talaga sa life crisis ko. BUT. I didn’t want to regret. I didn’t want to blame myself. I didn’t want to think that I made too much mistakes. All I wanted was to be thankful. Right now, my prayers are slowly being answered because I’m not even asking for anything anymore… Maybe closure but I can’t have that. I’m in the process of complete acceptance and of learning too. I just want happiness because I know that in the right time and in the right place, You’ll finally send me the right person, isn’t it?

So, there. I got five. What a year right? How about you? What are the things you’re thankful for this year?

For the next year, can I make two wishes?

One.
A Second Chance.
A second chance at everything, at friendships, at love, at opportunities.

Two.
A Dream Come True.
I’ve been putting off making this dream come true for the past 3 years. Hopefully this year, it’ll become a reality.

It’s been a great year isn’t it? Are you looking forward to 2015?
Happy New Year everyone!

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